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We Are Magnificent: After Lover Liar Predator
- Natalie Collins
- 7 hours ago
- 6 min read
Our CEO Natalie reflects on the last week since Lover Liar Predator, the documentary she is in with Jenni, Shannon and Robyn, was released.
What a week!
Lover Liar Predator arrived on TVs across the land this week, and each day has been a whirlwind of comments, emails, direct messages and magnificent film reviews.
“The best thing on TV.” The Express
“Forget Adolescence...this film should be shown in every school.”
“A powerful indictment.” The Herald
“Enraging and inspirational.” The Times
We’ve heard from so many about the film’s profound impact on them and until now, I’ve barely managed to keep up with the messages, nevermind reacting or replying. I’ve been delivering an Own My Life training event and something as basic as sleep hasn’t been that easy to come by! It’s been a lot.
The most precious part of the week was having a sleepover with Jenni, Shannon and Robyn, before being accompanied by the film’s extraodinary Director Marta Garcia Alìaga on BBC Morning Live for an inteview which ended with Very Fun dancing to Reach For The Stars.
Power, pain and joy!
As the videos evidence, and this rather delightful group photo on Manchester’s GRape Street shows, none of us are defined by what was done to us. We are magnificent, brilliant and joyous.
For too long, men’s violence has been talked about in hushed tones, with those of us most harmed relegated to being one-dimensional victims (or worse, victim/survivors with that most-nonsensical-of-things; “lived experience”).
What women keep telling me in their comments and messages is that watching Lover Liar Predator makes them feel pain and power all at once; with many not previously knowing that was an option. They didn’t know that we could have joy and hope, or that we could literally smile together on rape street. Shrink-wrapping women into shame, pain and brutality is what abusive men do; and in Lover Liar Predator we refuse to be shrink-wrapped.
Many (including the Guardian) have suggested that Lover Liar Predator should be shown in schools; with women telling me it would have changed the course of their journey if they’d have seen it. Playing Lover Liar Predator in schools (or parents watching with their children) is a conversation starter, but what every young person deserves is adults who can continue that conversation on in a competent and confident way, which is why I developed DAY Programme training and resources after reflecting on what I would have needed back in my teens. At DAY we want to ensure that anyone working with young people is equipped to understand and respond to abuse. DAY has been delivered with great success across the UK and Ireland since 2011 and our next training event takes place in March (info HERE).
I want to say a huge thank you to every single person who has reached out to tell us about the difference Lover Liar Predator has made to you. Some of you have wanted to know more about Own My Life, others about where they can get support, and others about legal questions. Each of us embarked on making the film in the hopes that it would make a difference to women’s and children’s lives and so far we have been really blown away by what you are telling us about the difference it has made to you.
As things continue, we thank every single person who watches it and spreads the word. Each of you is virtually included in our evergrowing group hug!
Answering your questions
Here are answers to the most asked questions in comments and messages.
How can I play Lover Liar Predator with young people that I work with? As long as your school/college/other context has a TV licence (info HERE), you can play the film or excerpts from it with the young people you work with.
What other resources do you have for working with young people? The DAY Programme is a training programme that allows you to work transformationally with children and young people; either by delivering set sessions with groups or one-to-one, or by using the programme resources as toolkit to support conversations and activities (info HERE).
How did the criminal case come together with three different victims? This is due to two aspects of Scottish law. 1) Corroboration: which means that previously harmed women can testify to what the abuser has done in court as part of Scottish requirements that a crime is corroborated by witnesses. 2) The Moorov Doctrine: which allows multiple complainants to be included in a case against the same perpetrator. As far as I am aware, there are no similar legal precedents in the rest of the UK. It is curious that corroboration, which most feminists would argue has generally disadvantaged women reporting rape, is now being repurposed in a way that supports women being protected.
How does Own My Life work? Practitioners attend a 5-day online training event (currently I deliver all of these) and can then deliver the 12-week course with women in groups and one-to-one. The course is delivered by domestic and sexual violence services, women’s centres, addiction services, early help, social care, homelessness services, with women in prison, through workplaces (e.g. in the Met Police) and also via more general community projects. More information about our training can be found HERE. THIS short video explains Own My Life. You can read feedback from previous training events HERE.
There isn’t an Own My Life course near me, what other resources do you have for me? Or what resources do you have that would help me to support someone else?
Our Podcast (available HERE): In each episode we learn from a woman who has done Own My Life, with myself and producer Abi drawing out some key Own My Life course themes.
Our free Counter-Parenting resource (available HERE): This is a video and resource pack, available in English and Polish will give you an idea of how Own My Life approaches topics and help if you have children.
Out Of Control book (available HERE): I wrote this book in 2019. It’s written for those who are supporting women who have been subjected to abuse, but is accessible for those who have an abusive partner or ex. My story is woven throughout the book.
Out Of Control audio book (available HERE): If you prefer audio books, this link includes a free chapter of the book.
I work in the sector responding to men’s violence, beyond your training and resources, is there anything else that would help me in the work I do?
Abuse is a Verb (available HERE): This is a short book which explores how the words we use can make a difference.
Here's a few articles I’ve written recently which may be of interest:
How can I support Own My Life’s work?
I’m interested to see that Natalie was raised in a Christian family. Does she still have a faith and are there any resources you can recommend regarding faith and abuse? I absolutely do still have a faith, and wouldn’t be here without God’s grace! A lot of my work has included equipping Christians to respond to domestic abuse and I have a Theology MA. Much of my writing on faith can be found on my God Loves Women blog HERE. My book Out Of Control includes reflections for Christians.
Other useful resources for those wanting to consider faith and abuse are:
Restored: https://www.restored-uk.org.
Faith and VAWG Coalition: http://faithandvawg.org.
Jewish Women’s Aid: https://www.jwa.org.uk
Sikh Women’s Aid: https://www.sikhwomensaid.org.uk